笑話的英語單詞篇一：有關(guān)英語笑話

4.上次不知道是什么事情把我惹怒了,情急之下我本來要說: FUCK YOU!! 但是卻說成FUCK ME!!! 那來外開始愣了一下, 后來他說: u wanna say fuck me ?? OR fuck you?? 暈...我連吵架的氣勢(shì)都沒了.

5.有個(gè)老外到唐山去旅游，住在當(dāng)?shù)匾粦艮r(nóng)家里，早上起來，看見院子里有只貓，就逗貓玩，這時(shí)候這戶人家的老太太出來了，就說：鼓搗貓呢？老外還以為是問早上好，于是就回了一句“Good morning！”到了晚上，老太太又看見這老外又在洗衣服，就說：鼓搗衣服呢？老外趕緊又回答一句“Good evening!” 心里真佩服，中國人厲害，連老太太英語都說的這么好！深夜，老外泡了一杯牛奶，準(zhǔn)備喝完睡覺，又被老太太看見了，問老外：鼓搗奶呢？老外一聽，連“Good night！”都會(huì)說，徹底暈菜。

中國人學(xué)英語

全家死

bus 爸死

yes 爺死

girls 哥死

miss 妹死 ·

nice 奶死

Mars 媽死

school 死光了

老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.并讓同學(xué)們翻譯。有名學(xué)生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗�！�

小明上英文課時(shí)跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?

老師說：Go ahead.

小明就坐了下來。過了一會(huì)兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?

老師說：Go ahead.

小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學(xué)于是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？

怎么不去？

小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個(gè)頭」啊！ 6.

某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hongtao liu，外賓曰：我TM還是方片七呢！

7.英語老師問一個(gè)學(xué)生，“How are you是什么意思”

學(xué)生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你？”

老師生氣又問另一個(gè)同學(xué)：“How old are you ?是什么意思？”

這個(gè)同學(xué)想了想說：“怎么老是你。”

8. 女：say“i love you”，say it，come on！say it！

男：it！

上初一的時(shí)候，英語老師讓我們讀課文，恰好是一段對(duì)話，于是叫了一男一女兩個(gè)同學(xué)來讀。

男：What time is it now?

女：It’s nine.

男：Let’s go to bed.

女：We go to bed at nine.

全班絕倒。

一對(duì)熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒有安全感，于是對(duì)著男友說：“SAY?I LOVE YOU!!?SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”

男的答道：“IT!”

12、一次為一個(gè)初中小孩搞家教，在其英語課本上發(fā)現(xiàn)如下恐怖字眼： 爸死（bus）爺死( yes )哥死（girls）妹死（Mis）……死光（school）

說件初中時(shí)候同學(xué)的一件傻事，不知道割………上英語課的時(shí)候一同學(xué)連續(xù)打了5個(gè)噴嚏，估計(jì)是英語課太嚴(yán)肅了 ，有些同學(xué)沒有忍住笑了，亮點(diǎn)來了。那同學(xué)很大聲的說了句：笑什么笑，你們沒有放過屁��！當(dāng)時(shí)連英語老師都沒有忍住。全班狂笑中………有木有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的笑點(diǎn)呢？？

小時(shí)候特sb，上英語課表演對(duì)話你懂得。

lz跟小班花對(duì)話表演。

++++聽說割了會(huì)頂?shù)母�用�?++

最后的時(shí)候課文上寫著要對(duì)話完要擁抱一下。

然后...老師說表演完可以下去了。

我竟然大聲的嚷著，不是說好了可以擁抱的嗎。不是要擁抱嗎...

然后，我就出去站了一節(jié)課。

都是大騙子.....

高中的時(shí)候，上完早操同學(xué)們一窩蜂的往教室擠，結(jié)果門壞了-------我們偷偷把門閉好，想著整英語老師一頓。老師一開門，門就斜了。班里同學(xué)叫喚著：老師你把門弄壞了！老師臉那個(gè)煞白啊。一節(jié)課都沒在心思上，還時(shí)不時(shí)的去研究怎么修門……

大一理科男，一次上英語課，老師點(diǎn)名念英語課文，叫到lz旁邊的二貨，他正在睡覺，lz推醒他，他站起來迷迷糊糊的，問lz該怎么回答，lz果斷的小聲來了句：make love！于是那二貨同學(xué)當(dāng)著全班五十號(hào)人大聲的說了一句……make love 。。教室安靜5秒后所有人笑噴了！了……老師一臉的黑線呀！

本人男，在我小學(xué)六年級(jí)一次英語課上，老師讓舉手上黑板默寫單詞，由于老師每次都是在教室走著選上誰就會(huì)拍誰一下，這次問誰會(huì)，結(jié)果有三分之二同學(xué)都舉手了，同時(shí)嘴里還喊著我去我去，我也舉手了，可是我不會(huì)，就當(dāng)老師走到我旁邊的時(shí)候我不知道怎么說出一句我去，這時(shí)候老師拍了我一下胳膊，我當(dāng)時(shí)心立馬就涼了，怎么辦��！正走著去黑板，這時(shí)候老師從后面說話了，回來，越會(huì)越不讓你去了，我就老老實(shí)實(shí)回來了，拿哥們逗樂呢！我的心��！過去十年了，現(xiàn)在回想起來還得意呢！第一次發(fā)，求過

初中時(shí)的糗事。。。。。。。。不能割還得用。。。。。。。。。

學(xué)期第一節(jié)課，換了個(gè)英語老師，讓每個(gè)同學(xué)都上講臺(tái)用英語介紹一下自己，并且說一下自己的偶像。到樓主上臺(tái)了，樓主不記得什么明星的名字，就記得好像有個(gè)叫什么德華的唱歌特牛逼，又想起來以前在電視上好像看到過馬德華的，就說我叫xxx,我的偶像是一位歌星，叫馬德華，同學(xué)們都還在納悶兒馬德華是誰，老師說:我要糾正一下，馬德華不是歌星，是影星，在西游記里飾演豬八戒。。。。。 同學(xué)們都笑瘋了，，，后來全班都知道我的偶像是豬八戒。。。。。

我在想，我看西游記看演員表是看的是有多認(rèn)真。。。 。。。

記得小學(xué)一次英語課，老師給我們講外國人的名字在前姓在后。。。。隔了老師的智商。。。。。然后她說，我舉個(gè)例子啊，比如朱峰同學(xué)，就應(yīng)該叫峰朱，全班一下?lián)鋮找宦暦序v了起來。老師愣了一會(huì)兒慌了，我，我們，換，換一個(gè)同學(xué)的名字舉例。。。

2.試題：如果一位中國學(xué)生在美國加州目睹了一起交通事故，警察來了以后問你知不知道事情的經(jīng)過，應(yīng)該怎么對(duì)他說？一個(gè)人回答：one car come one car go，two car peng peng，one car die。

笑話的英語單詞篇二：譯錯(cuò)會(huì)出笑話的日常英文詞匯

譯錯(cuò)會(huì)出笑話的日常英文詞匯 那些日常用語單詞你們會(huì)不會(huì)翻譯錯(cuò)誤。會(huì)不會(huì)理解錯(cuò)，重新來認(rèn)識(shí)一下這些日常用語的單詞吧！ lover情人(不是“愛人”)

busboy餐館勤雜工(不是“公汽售票員”) busybody愛管閑事的人(不是“大忙人”)

drygoods(美)紡織品；(英)谷物(不是“干貨”)

heartman做心臟移植手術(shù)的人(不是“有心人”) maddoctor精神病科醫(yī)生(不是“發(fā)瘋的醫(yī)生”) eleventhhour最后時(shí)刻(不是“十一點(diǎn)”)

blinddate(由第三者安排的)男女初次會(huì)面(并非“盲目約會(huì)”或“瞎約會(huì)”)

deadpresident美鈔(上印有總統(tǒng)頭像)(并非“死了的總統(tǒng)”)

personalremark人身攻擊(不是“個(gè)人評(píng)論”)

sweetwater淡水(不是“糖水”)

confidenceman騙子(不是“信得過的人”)

criminallawyer刑事律師(不是“犯罪的律師”) servicestation加油站

restroom廁所(不是“休息室”)

dressingroom化妝室(不是“試衣室”或“更衣室”) sportinghouse妓院(不是“體育室”)

y1t6d 爆笑笑話

horsesense常識(shí)(不是“馬的感覺”)

capitalidea好主意(不是“資本主義思想”) familiartalk庸俗的交談(不是“熟悉的談話”) blacktea紅茶(不是“黑茶”)

blackart妖術(shù)(不是“黑色藝術(shù)”)

blackstranger完全陌生的人(不是“陌生的黑人”)

whitecoal(作動(dòng)力來源用的)水

whiteman忠實(shí)可靠的人(不是“皮膚白的人”) yellowbook黃皮書(法國報(bào)告書，以黃紙為封)(不是“黃色書籍”)

redtape官僚習(xí)氣(不是“紅色帶子”) greenhand新手(不是“綠手”)

bluestocking女學(xué)者、女才子(不是“藍(lán)色長(zhǎng)統(tǒng)襪”)

Chinapolicy對(duì)華政策(不是“中國政策”)

y1t6d 爆笑笑話

笑話的英語單詞篇三：英語短文笑話(帶翻譯)

1、How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

中文翻譯

"法官先生，我的當(dāng)事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周

前才來到紐約，幾乎不認(rèn)路。而且，他只會(huì)說幾個(gè)英語單詞。"

法官看了看被告，問道："你會(huì)說多少英文？"

被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我！"

2

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

He said, "What?"

丈夫給妻子看了一項(xiàng)調(diào)查結(jié)果，為了向她證明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個(gè)字，而女人每天使用30000個(gè)。

妻子想了一會(huì)兒說，女人每天說的字?jǐn)?shù)是男人的兩倍，因?yàn)樗齻儽仨氈貜?fù)已經(jīng)說過的話。 他問："什么？"

3

Boy: Is this seat empty?

Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

男孩：這個(gè)座位是空的么？

女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。

4、

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

"湯姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 媽媽在廚房里問。"他在哭。"

"沒事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因?yàn)槲也唤o他吃。"

"他已經(jīng)吃完自己的了么？"

"是的。" "我?guī)退�吃完時(shí)，他也哭了。"

2009-6-7

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"

The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

路人甲對(duì)路人乙說，"猜猜我兜里有幾個(gè)子兒？"

路人乙說："我猜對(duì)了，你能給我一個(gè)不？"

路人甲說："你要猜對(duì)了，我兩個(gè)全部給你！"

2009-6-6研究生和本科生的區(qū)別

"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," said an instructor at a university graduate engineering course. "When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graduate students just write it down."

一個(gè)教師在研究生工程學(xué)課堂上說："我一眼就能看出來哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。" "我說'下午好'的時(shí)候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生則把這句話記在本子上。"

2009-6-5

Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?

Tom: Every month.

爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個(gè)月有28天呢？

湯姆：每個(gè)月都有��！

2009-6-4making faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

史密斯小姐發(fā)現(xiàn)她的一名學(xué)生在操場(chǎng)上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責(zé)他。

這位主日學(xué)校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說："博比，我小的時(shí)候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會(huì)僵硬，永遠(yuǎn)都那么丑。"

博比抬頭看了看老師，說："史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。"

2009-6-3

A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.

While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."

She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."

一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。

當(dāng)他和祖母聊天時(shí)，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都給吃光了。 他們離開時(shí)，他的朋友對(duì)祖母說:"謝謝您的花生。"

結(jié)果祖母說:"唉！自從我牙齒掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了。"

2009-6-2

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多么可怕。

他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對(duì)比。清水里蟲子安然無恙，結(jié)果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。

"所以，兒子啊，"父親問道，"得出什么結(jié)論？"

"恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚里就不會(huì)長(zhǎng)蟲了！"

2009-6-1

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

中文翻譯：

一個(gè)看起來很難受的窮人走進(jìn)大夫的診室。

"大夫！"他說，"幫幫我！一個(gè)月前我吞了一分硬幣！"

"天哪，"大夫說，"早干嘛去了？你當(dāng)時(shí)怎么不來看？"

"實(shí)話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說，"我當(dāng)時(shí)還不缺錢！"

2009-5-31

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會(huì)過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。

女孩：應(yīng)該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯(cuò)誤。

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"

"To be deaf," replied the boy.

"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.

"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

在一次音樂學(xué)院的入學(xué)考試中，老師問其中一個(gè)男孩："音樂家最重要的生理素質(zhì)是什么？" "耳聾，"男孩答道。

"胡說！"老師氣憤地說。

"怎么了，先生！難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個(gè)聾子嗎？"男孩輕蔑地反問道。

2009-5-28

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一個(gè)男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。

酒吧招待："你怎么了？跟老婆鬧矛盾了？"

男人："我們吵了一架，她說一個(gè)月都不跟我說話。"

酒吧招待："那你應(yīng)該高興才是��！"

男人："不，今天是這個(gè)月的最后一天。"

【Laughter】2009-5-27

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

女人找了老公之前都在擔(dān)憂未來。男人娶了老婆之前從來不為未來擔(dān)憂。

2009-5-26

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

男人想要的東西，要是值1塊錢卻賣2塊，他也會(huì)買；而對(duì)于女人，即使是不想要的東西，要是值2塊錢卻只賣1塊，她也會(huì)買。

2009-5-25

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the

2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"

女生宿舍將全面禁止男生進(jìn)入，男生宿舍也同樣不得女生光臨。

"不論是誰，一旦違規(guī)，初犯將被罰款20美元。再犯要被罰款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罰款。還有什么疑問么？"

這時(shí)人群中一個(gè)男同學(xué)問道，"那么一個(gè)季度通行證需要多少錢？"

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink?

Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.

男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？

女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。

2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.

Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.

醫(yī)生：聽上去你咳嗽今天好多了。

病人：應(yīng)該如此。我昨晚練習(xí)了一整夜。

2009-5-21

Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."

Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."

皮特："我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當(dāng)我跌落的時(shí)候，我腦海里浮現(xiàn)了我做過的所有蠢事。"

鮑勃："你一定是從萬丈高山上跌落的吧。"

2009-5-19

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."

His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

2個(gè)男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: "我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD……"

哥哥用肘輕推他: "你為什么大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。"

弟弟答道:"上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。"

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