英語小幽默篇一：小學(xué)生英語幽默故事(超全版,中英雙語)

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”

故事2 十塊糖

媽媽問兒子：“吉姆， 如果你有10塊糖，吃了4塊，那你還有幾塊糖？” “10塊。”吉姆說。

“10塊？”媽媽問。

“是的，媽媽。因?yàn)?塊在我的肚子里面，6塊在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不對嗎？”

小學(xué)生英語故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7頁）、普通小故事（7-40頁）。激發(fā)小朋友們學(xué)英語的興趣，幫助他們提高成績。最好每天背一篇，會(huì)有不錯(cuò)的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

老板最大 有個(gè)人到一間商店買鸚鵡。店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣五千元，另一只賣一萬元，還有一只賣三萬元。顧客問老板：「為什么這只要賣五千元？這個(gè)價(jià)錢對這種鸚鵡來說太貴了！」老板說：「因?yàn)槲矣杏?xùn)練他講話。」顧客又問：「那這只呢？他會(huì)做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「他除了會(huì)說話之外，還會(huì)表演一些有趣的動(dòng)作，好比說跳舞等等，所以才賣這么貴�！诡櫩徒又�又問：「那第三只呢？他會(huì)做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「我不知道。我從沒聽過他講話、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒看過他跳舞，什么都沒有！不過另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.

雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？

學(xué)生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。

老師：“雞蛋”在哪？

學(xué)生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him, “Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

湯姆是個(gè)小孩， 他才7歲。 當(dāng)他去電影院的時(shí)候。那時(shí)他第一次去。他買了張票進(jìn)去了。 但沒過兩三分鐘他就出來了，然后買了第二張票又進(jìn)去了。 幾分鐘后他又出來買了第三張票。 接著兩三分鐘后他又出來買票。 一個(gè)女的問她，“你為什么要買那么多票啊? 你見到了幾個(gè)朋友？" "沒有， 我里面沒朋友， 但是每當(dāng)我進(jìn)門的時(shí)候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了"

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really somebody.What does do?

Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery

他真是一個(gè)大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。

男人：他真是一個(gè)大人物。他是干什么的？

小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會(huì)是一名偉人嗎？

學(xué)生：當(dāng)然。因?yàn)榈侥壳盀橹梗�還沒有人活到400多歲。

Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

史密斯先生：服務(wù)員，我的湯里有一只死蒼蠅．

服務(wù)員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。

父親：兒子，你不認(rèn)為你已經(jīng)長大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son. I?m still paying.”

有個(gè)小孩愛上了另一個(gè)小孩，對方是學(xué)校的同學(xué)。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時(shí)會(huì)

迷戀班上某個(gè)人，然后就以為自己戀愛了。因此這個(gè)八歲的小孩回家問他爸爸：「爸爸，結(jié)婚很花錢嗎？」爸爸說：「是啊，兒子，非常花錢�！箖鹤佑謫枺骸敢�花多少錢呢？」爸爸說：「我不知道，兒子，我到現(xiàn)在還一直在付錢啊！」

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒有，老師�？墒悄阕蛱煺f你告訴我的知識都是一個(gè)耳朵里進(jìn)，一個(gè)耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元�！�

“20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元�！�

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了�！�

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現(xiàn)在，誰給我舉個(gè)例子？

約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。

英語小幽默篇二：英語小笑話

校園幽默四則

1. Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥

老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老師：請說說看。

學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

2.

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

魚網(wǎng)

"你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發(fā)問道。

"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了。" 小女孩回答道。

3.

The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said

that two and four were six too....."

新老師

9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。

"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。

"媽媽，我不喜歡，因?yàn)樗�說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。"

4.

A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates

were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then

hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考試

在一次物理考試時(shí)，當(dāng)同學(xué)們都還在苦思冥想時(shí)，尼克很快就答好了第一個(gè)問題。

這個(gè)問題是：為什么在打雷時(shí)，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？

尼克的回答是：因?yàn)檠劬υ谇�，耳朵在后�?/p>

經(jīng)典英語小笑話

1. the lowest grade

"Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero."

"Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give."

最低分

學(xué)生：“教授先生，我這次考試已經(jīng)竭盡全力了。我真的覺得我不應(yīng)該得零蛋。”

老師：“我也是。但是這已經(jīng)是我能給的最低分了！”

2. Real Play

When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance,

one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."

逼真的戲劇

我在北達(dá)科他州立大學(xué)教戲劇入門課時(shí)，要求學(xué)生們?nèi)タ磳W(xué)校劇團(tuán)當(dāng)時(shí)的演出，并寫一篇評論�？戳艘粓鰳O為精彩的演出后，一名學(xué)生寫道：“這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致于我認(rèn)為我自己是坐在家里的沙發(fā)上，從電視上看到的�！� 本貼來自天極網(wǎng)群樂社區(qū)--http://q.yesky.com/group/review-10130234.html TOM'S EXCUSE

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go

Slow".

湯姆的借口

老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學(xué)遲到？

湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個(gè)路標(biāo)上面寫著："學(xué)校----慢行。"

DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and

saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very

pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and

said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.

What happened? Did your father help you?"

"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all

myself," said Tim.

你爸爸幫你了嗎？

一天，蒂姆的數(shù)學(xué)老師看了他的作業(yè)，發(fā)現(xiàn)他全做對了。老師很高興

，同時(shí)也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業(yè)全都

做對了，怎么回事？你爸爸幫你做了嗎？"

"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"

英語幽默笑話

Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"

and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"

湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個(gè)苯蛋了!"

吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"

附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個(gè)笑話正是根據(jù)這點(diǎn).

英語笑話故事

1. He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他贏了

湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？

約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。

湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？

約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)，他贏了。

2. I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What

happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？”

“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

“再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎？”媽媽問。

“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說�！八�的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢�！�

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢�？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸�太那么感興趣呢？”

“她是個(gè)賣糖果的。”

英語小幽默篇三：英語幽默小故事

1、New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young

model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"

新發(fā)現(xiàn)

一個(gè)鄉(xiāng)下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走進(jìn)一座大樓，看見一個(gè)歲數(shù)很大的矮胖女人邁進(jìn)一個(gè)小房間。房間的門隨后關(guān)上，有幾個(gè)燈在閃亮。一會(huì)兒，門開了，電梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

鄉(xiāng)下人驚奇地眨著眼睛，慢吞吞地說：“我應(yīng)該把我的老婆帶來!”

hillbilly

n. 鄉(xiāng)下人，鄉(xiāng)巴佬.

pudgy

adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的

drawl

vt, vi慢吞吞地說；拉長語調(diào)地說

2、Always Thirsty

"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."

"That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"

"No, but I am always thirsty!"

總感到口渴

一個(gè)男人對他的朋友說：“我動(dòng)了一次手術(shù)，手術(shù)后醫(yī)生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里了�！�

“真是太糟糕了！”朋友說道：“你覺得疼嗎？”

“不疼，可是我總感到口渴�！�

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他贏了

湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？

約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。

湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？

約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)，他贏了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？”

“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

“再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎？”媽媽問。

“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說�！八�的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢�！�

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說�！霸俳o你兩分錢�？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸�太那么感興趣呢？”

“她是個(gè)賣糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a

moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時(shí)，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會(huì)兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。

英語小笑話

上個(gè)星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一個(gè)老美看到就笑我說, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 縮寫正好是 Adidas) " 我正驚訝他怎么反應(yīng)這么快, 聯(lián)想力這么豐富時(shí),旁邊的

一個(gè)老美幫我解圍, 他說, 有一個(gè)很著名的合唱團(tuán) Korn, 他們的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,這個(gè)典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能詳?shù)泥? 下次就換你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"且話僂蚰昴?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥

老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？

學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老師：請說說看。

學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

魚網(wǎng)

"你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發(fā)問道。

"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

&q(轉(zhuǎn)載于:www.newchangjing.com 蒲 公 英 文 摘:英語小幽默)uot;I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老師

9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。

"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。

"媽媽，我不喜歡，因?yàn)樗�說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考試

在一次物理考試時(shí)，當(dāng)同學(xué)們都還在苦思冥想時(shí)，尼克很快就答好了第一個(gè)問題。

這個(gè)問題是：為什么在打雷時(shí)，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？

尼克的回答是：因?yàn)檠劬υ谇�，耳朵在后�?/p>

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