高中英語幽默短文篇一：適合高一的英文幽默故事

1、一個女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的訂婚戒指,但竟沒有一個同學(xué)注意到,令她忿忿不平.到下午大家坐著談天的時候,她突然站起來大聲說：“哎呀,這里真熱呀,我看我還是把戒指脫下來吧.”

1.the night before, a girl get boyfriend engagement ring, but no one noticed the classmate, make her antics. You sit and chat in the afternoon, she suddenly stood up and shouted: \"oh, it's really hot in here, I think I'd better take off your ring.

2、女主人把女傭叫到面前問她：“你是否懷孕了?”

“是啊!”女傭回道.

“虧你還說得出口,你還沒有結(jié)婚,難道不覺得害羞嗎?”女主人再次訓(xùn). “我為什么要害羞,女主人你自己不也懷孕了嗎?”

“可是我懷的是我丈夫的!”女主人生氣地反駁.

“我也是啊!”女傭高興地附和.

2, the mistress called the maid to ask her: \"are you pregnant?\" \"Yes!\" The maid answered. Export \"kui you still say, you are not married, don't you feel shy?\" The hostess training again. \"Why should I be shy, you don't the hostess also pregnant?\" \"But I conceive is my husband!\" The hostess retorted angrily. \"Me too!\" The maid happy to echo.

3、一個人騎摩托車喜歡反穿衣服,就是把口子在后面扣上,可以擋風(fēng).一天他酒后駕駛, 翻了,一頭栽在路旁.警察趕到：

警察甲：好嚴(yán)重的車禍.

警察乙：是啊,腦袋都撞到后面去了.

警察甲：嗯,還有呼吸,我們幫他把頭轉(zhuǎn)回來吧.

警察乙：好.一、二使勁,轉(zhuǎn)回來了.

警察甲：嗯,沒有呼吸了.

3, a man riding a motorcycle like the dress, is to cut on the back, can the wind. Drunk driving one day, he turned over, a planted on the road. Police: police a: a good serious car accident. Policeman b: yes, his head hit the back. Po1: well, still breathing, let's help him turn his head back. Po2: good... One, two, turn back. Policeman a: well, not breathing...

4、在一條七拐八拐的鄉(xiāng)村公路上,因為時常發(fā)生車禍,所以常常有一些鬼故事發(fā)生,有一天晚上,有一個出租車司機看見路邊有一個長發(fā)披肩,身著白衣的女人向他招手,因為這個司機沒有見過鬼,所以大膽的停下來讓她上車了,這一路上,司機雖然不信有鬼,心里也毛毛的,所以時常從后視鏡看后面的女人,開著開著,突然司機發(fā)現(xiàn)那個女人不見了!司機嚇了一大跳,趕緊踩了一個剎車!只見那個女人滿臉是血,表情猙獰.司機嚇的牙直打顫.突然那女人開口了：“你會不會開車啊!我低頭系個鞋帶你突然一剎車我把鼻子都撞破了……”

4, turn in a curvy country road, because often in a car accident, so often have some ghost story, one night, there's a taxi driver saw the side of the road have a long hair shawls, dressed in a white woman waved to him, because the driver didn't see a ghost, so bold stopped to let her get on the bus, along the way, the driver doesn't believe in ghosts, the in the mind

also maomao, so often the woman behind the rearview mirror to see, open open, the driver found the woman suddenly disappeared! The driver startled, hurriedly stepped on a brake! I saw the woman face is blood, grim expression. The driver frighten of teeth chatter. Suddenly the woman spoke: \"would you drive! I bow to fasten shoelaces are you smashed through a sudden brake my nose...\"

5、一個病人去看病,醫(yī)生檢查了他,皺著眉頭說：“您病得太嚴(yán)重了,恐怕不會活多久了.” 病人：“求您告訴我我還能活多久?” 醫(yī)生：“十……” 病人著急地問：“十什么?十年?十個月?十天?” 醫(yī)生：“十,九,八,七,六,五……”

5, a patient to see a doctor, the doctor examined him, frowning said: \"you too serious ill, I'm afraid I won't live much longer.\" Patient: \"please tell me how long will I live?\" Doctor: \"ten...\" Patient anxiously asked: \"what? Ten years? Ten months? Ten days?\" Doctor: \"ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...\"

6、老師：“你能說一些18世紀(jì)科學(xué)家共同特點嗎?” 學(xué)生：“能,他們都死了.”

6, teacher: \"can you say some 18 th-century scientists common characteristics?\" Student: \"yes, they are all dead.\"

7、犀糞蜣和蚊子談戀愛,蜣問蚊子是做什么工作的,蚊子說：“護士,打針的.”蜣一拍大腿：“緣分吶,我是中藥局搓藥丸的…”

7. rhino poop Qiang and mosquito fall in love, Qiang asked a mosquito

is to do what work, the mosquito said: \"nurse, give or take an injection.\" Qiang a clap a thigh: \"the fate, I am a traditional Chinese medicine bureau rub pills...\"

8、一非洲人住在某一賓館.夜半,起火,不明原因.非洲人見狀顧不了那么許多,光著身子就跑出去了.消防員見狀驚呼：“我的媽呀!都燒的糊了吧區(qū)的了還能跑那么快!”

8, the africans live in a hotel. In the midnight, a fire, unknown reason. Before rushing so many africans, naked and ran out. Firefighters said exclaimed: \"my mama ah! All paste the burned area can run so fast!\"

9、一個人想出國考察,但必須得到老總批準(zhǔn).于是他向老總請示,老總給了他一張字條,上面寫著：“Go ahead”. 那人想：“Go ahead=前進,老總是批準(zhǔn)了.”于是他開始打點行李. 一個同事見到了他問：“你在做什啊?”他說：“我準(zhǔn)備出國考察,老總批準(zhǔn)了,給我寫了?Go ahead?.” 同事一見條就樂了：“咱們老總根本就沒批準(zhǔn)!咱老總的英語水平你還不知道,他這是在說去個頭!”

9, a person wants to go abroad, but it must be approved by boss. So he to the manager for instructions, the boss gave him a note, it read: \"Go ahead\". The man thought, \"Go ahead = progress, boss is approved.\" So he started to packing. A colleague to see he asked: \"what are you doing?\" He said: \"I'm ready to Go abroad investigation, boss approved, wrote me 'Go ahead'.\" Colleague of joy at the sight of article: \"let's boss

haven't approved! Our boss English don't you know, he is said to head!\"

10、牧師對買了他馬和馬車的農(nóng)夫說：“這匹馬只能聽懂教會的語言,叫"感謝上帝"它就跑;叫"贊美上帝"它才停下.”農(nóng)夫?qū)⑿艑⒁?他試著喊了一聲感謝上帝,那匹馬立刻飛奔起來,越跑越快.一只跑到懸崖邊上驚恐的農(nóng)夫才想起讓它停下來的口令“贊美上帝”.果然,馬停下來了.死里逃生的農(nóng)夫長出一口氣：“感謝上帝………”

10, priests to buy his horse and carriage of the farmer said, \"this horse can only understand the language of the church, call\" thank god \"it ran; called\" praise god \"it didn't stop.\" Farmer track, he tried to thank god gave a cry, the horse gallop, immediately ran faster and faster. A run to the edge of the cliff frightened farmer remembered that let it stop password \"praise god\". Sure enough, the horse stopped. Close the farmer grows a sigh: \"thank god.\"

高中英語幽默短文篇二：英語幽默小故事6篇

1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用

The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.

When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,

“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund

you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband

asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”

“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.

“It’s not worth seeing.”

“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.

“Wake the child up and let him cry.”

一對夫婦帶著他們3歲的兒子去看電影。進電影院時，服務(wù)員對他們說：“如果你們的兒子哭了，你們就得出去。不過我們會給你們退票的�！贝蠹s半個小時以后，丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f：“你覺得這電影怎么樣？”“我從沒看過這么沒勁的電影�！逼拮踊卮鹫f，“真不值得看�！薄拔乙膊幌矚g看�！闭煞蛘f：“叫醒孩子，讓他哭�！�

2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,

looking vexed, when her husband came home.

"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"

the husband asked. The woman replied,

"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,

"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"

the wife responded.

有一個剛結(jié)婚的太太，坐在椅子那邊，看起來很懊惱，她先生回家看到她這個樣子，就問：‘嗨，你怎么啦？為什么看起來這么懊惱呢？’太太說：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西裝褲被我燙壞了，燙成一個洞了�！�他先生說：‘�。∧莻�沒關(guān)系啦！我還有另外一件一樣的褲子�！� 她說：‘是啊，還好我把那件新的拿出來補那件被我燙壞的�！�

3、Endearing terms

英語幽默故事:可愛的稱呼

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie應(yīng)邀來到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie發(fā)現(xiàn)，不管問他老婆什么問題，Morris總要在每句話的前面加上一些親密的稱呼，象蜜糖，我的愛人，親愛的，甜心等等。Bernie對Morris說，“你們夫妻倆真夠親密的，結(jié)婚這么多年了，你還叫她叫得那么親密�！盡orris低下頭，小聲地對Bernie說，“老實跟你說吧，三年前我忘記老婆的真名是什么了�！�

4、Are you a normal person？你是正常人嗎？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

參觀一所精神病院的時候一個參觀者問院長，“你們是用什么標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來決定一個人是否應(yīng)該被關(guān)進精神病院呢？” “呃? ?”院長說，“是這樣，我們先給一個浴缸放滿水，然后我們給病人一個調(diào)茶匙，一個茶杯和一個水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清�！� “噢，我明白了”， 參

觀者說。“一個正常人會選擇水桶， 因為水桶比茶匙，茶杯的體積大�！� “錯了”，“院長回答”“正常人會把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

5、英文幽默老虎來了

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

兩個男人正在穿過叢林，突然，一只老虎出現(xiàn)在遠(yuǎn)處，向他們沖來。

其中的一個人從包里拿出一雙“耐克”鞋，開始穿上。另一個人驚奇地看著他說，“你以為穿上這個就可以跑得過老虎嗎？”

他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得過它，我只要跑得比你快就行了�！�

6、Another 40 Years to live

再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術(shù)臺上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說，“還沒有，你還能活43年，2個月零8天�！� 身體快要康復(fù)的時候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對待自己，于是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術(shù)。 她甚至還請人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個手術(shù)，這位女士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時候，她被一輛風(fēng)馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護車給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝，“我記得你說我還能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那個時候我沒認(rèn)出你來”。

高中英語幽默短文篇三：有趣的小短文(英語)

一

The easiest question in the world

one day , a rich man met Sam. the rich man asked , " I`ve heard you are very clever and nothing is difficult to you. Can you tell me why you are so clever."

Sam answered, "I`m not clever, but you are too silly." The rich man became very angry.

Sam said, "Sir, please don`t be angry, if you don`t believe what I said, let me ask you a question now. If you have a group of sheep, I give you another group. How groups of sheep do you have?"

"Why, that`s the easiest question in the world, one and one is two.Anybody knows that. I have two groups of sheep. "

Sam laughed and said," You are wrong, sir.two groups of sheep put together is still one group. That is easiest question in the world."

二

I`ll not go home tonight because of the rain

When a friend was visiting David, it began to rain. So David told him not to go home that night."You may stay here for the night," he said." Ok, " answered his friend. But a few minutes later, the friend went out. He didn`t tell David where he was going nor did he ask for an umbrella. When David was about to go to bed, his friend returned, he was all wet through.

"Where have you been?" asked David. "I have been home," answered the friend, " to tell my brother that I`ll not go home tonight because of the rain."

三

Why do I want to go to college?

Why do I want to go to college? No one asked me such a question. But many times I have asked myself.I have come up with a whole variety of reasons. The most important reason is that I want to be a better man.

Many things make human beings different is education. If i fail to receive higher education, my education will not finish. As I want to be a fully developed , I must get a well-rounded education, which good colleges and universities are supposed to provide.

I know one can get educated in many ways, but colleges and universities are among the best places to teach me how to educate myself. Only when I am well-educated, will I be a better human being and be fit into society.

四

Children should not have to do heavy work

It is not a good idea for children to have to work hard. Children should study in school as hard as they can. They should not have to do heavy work with their bodies. When parents or others force children to work hard, the results are never good and may be very bad.

A farmer`s son who has to work hard like a man may early learn to hate farming. Children sometimes do too much work in gardens, in shops or even in their own own homes.

They soon begin to hate such kind of work with force that can destroy their happiness. But there may be a worse loss: a child`s love for his parents. The feeling may become something different. When that happens, the old kind of love never returns.

五

The effect of the blood group on personality

Your blood group hides no secrets, it shows the "real you." If you belong to blood group O, you can get things done and sell the goods well. Blood group A are the thinkers,while blood group B are highly creative, people belonging to blood group B might be good at painting and writing. And if you have problems, ask the ABs to solve them.

Your blood group could affect your work. So if you visited the Japanese company, you would find the O types out selling goods and A types keeping order in the office.

六

Dogs

People often say that a dog is man's best friend. Over thousands of years, man has taught his dogs to do many kinds of work besides guarding the home. For example, sheepdogs are famous for their ability to control a flock of hundreds of sheep.

Dogs have been used to aid disabled people for centuries. A guide dog can lead its blind owner. Nowadays, dogs can be taught to turn on light switches, open refrigerator doors and dial the telephone for their disabled owners. For the majority of people, however, dogs are simply pets and friends for both young and old members of the family.

guard 看守，看護 sheepdog 牧羊犬 flock 群 aid 幫助

disabled 殘疾人 century 世紀(jì)guide dog 導(dǎo)盲犬 dial 撥 majority 大多數(shù)

狗

人們總是說狗是人類最好的朋友。幾千年來，除了看家外，人類還教會了狗去做許多其他的事，例如，牧羊犬就因其可以控制數(shù)百只羊的羊群而出名。

狗用來幫助殘疾人已有好幾個世紀(jì)了。導(dǎo)盲犬可以為盲主人引路。現(xiàn)在，人們還教狗為殘疾主人打開電燈、開冰箱和撥電話。然而，對于大多數(shù)人來說，狗只是家里老人和孩子們的寵物和朋友。

七

What is Time? （Nursery Rhyme）

Time is grain for peasants.

Time is wealth for workers.

Time is life for doctors.

Time is victory for soldiers.

Time is knowledge for students.

Time is speed for scientists.

Time is money for businessmen.

Time is everything for all of us.

Therefore, seize the time of today!

grain 糧食wealth 財富 victory 勝利 seize 抓住，把握

時間是什么（童謠一首）

對農(nóng)民來說，時間就是糧食。對工人來說，時間就是財富。對醫(yī)生來說，時間就是生命。

對士兵來說，時間就是勝利。對學(xué)生來說，時間就是知識。對科學(xué)家來說，時間就是速度。

對企業(yè)家來說，時間就是金錢。對我們大家來說，時間就是一切。因此，把握今天!

八

Perfect Match

A rich woman is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to mix the color right, but none comes close enough to satisfy the woman.

Eventually, a painter comes. He is confident that he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous. Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son. "Dad,"asks the son, "there's something I've got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?" "Son,” the father replies, "I painted the vase."

proud of 自豪 valuable 值錢的antique vase 古董花瓶 paint 用油漆漆

satisfy 滿意 eventually 最終 confident 有信心的 retire 退休 match 和……相配

絕配

一個有錢的婦人感到非常驕傲，因為她有一只值錢的古董花瓶，她決定把她的臥室漆成和花瓶一樣的顏色。好幾個油漆匠試圖調(diào)出正確的顏色，但是沒有一個人調(diào)出的顏色能讓婦人滿意。

最后，來了一個油漆匠。他很有信心可以調(diào)出合適的顏色。果然婦人對最終的效果感到滿意，漆匠也因此成名。

幾年后，漆匠退休了，他把生意交給了兒子�！鞍职郑�”兒子問，“有件事我想知道。你是如何調(diào)配出和花瓶一樣的顏色的？” “兒子，”父親回答，“我把花瓶也一起漆了。”

九

A Joke— “I stand corrected”

I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused and told me I was crazy, but last week, h(來自:www.newchangjing.com 蒲公 英文 摘:高中英語幽默短文)e finally went. Sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was a quarter inch shorter than his right. A quick bit of surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans. “So,”I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg. He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected.

lean 傾斜 slightly 輕微地 check out 檢查 refuse 拒絕 quarter 四分之一

surgery 手術(shù) cure 治愈 fix 治愈 stand corrected 認(rèn)錯

笑話——“我誠懇認(rèn)錯”

我有一個朋友，他似乎總是微微向左傾斜。這個問題曾經(jīng)非常困擾我，所以我建議他去看醫(yī)生，檢查一下他的腿。幾年來，他總是不聽我的建議，還說我不正常，但是上星期，他終于去看了醫(yī)生。果真，醫(yī)生發(fā)現(xiàn)他的左腿比右腿短四分之一英寸。一個很快的小手術(shù)后，他康復(fù)了，現(xiàn)在他的兩條腿完全一樣長了，他也不再傾斜了。“你看，”我說，“那時我告訴你醫(yī)生可以治好你的腿時你還不相信我呢�！彼�看著我說：“我認(rèn)錯了�！�

十

A Friend

When you read an English book, you often come across new words. You might try to guess what the words mean from the words you know, but when you cannot guess the meanings of new words at all, what should you do?

You have a good friend then. From him you can learn what a word means, how to pronounce a word, how to use a word, and so on. This friend can always be with you, and you can always ask him to help you. Do you know who this friend is? It is a dictionary. You can learn some important things about words from it, so you must know how to use it.

come across 碰到 guess 猜測

朋 友

當(dāng)你讀英語書時，你經(jīng)常會碰到新單詞。你可能試著從你知道的詞中猜這些詞的意思，但是當(dāng)你無法猜出這些詞的意思時，你該怎么辦呢？

這時你有一個好朋友。從他那里你可以學(xué)到單詞的意思、發(fā)音及用法等。這個朋友可以經(jīng)常伴你左右，你可以經(jīng)常請他幫忙。你知道這個朋友是誰嗎？

他就是字典。你可以從他那里學(xué)習(xí)有關(guān)詞匯的眾多重要知識，所以你必須學(xué)會如何使用字典。

十一

The Hare and the Tortoise

One day a hare was telling the other animals how fast he could run. "I can beat anyone!"cried he. "Will one of you try a race with me?"

"I will,?said the tortoise.

"You!?laughed the hare. "Oh, oh, how funny!?

"Save your laughing for the end of the race,?said the tortoise.

So a starting line was made, and away they went. The hare ran fast and was soon far ahead, so he sat down to rest. By the time the tortoise came up, the hare was sleeping.

On and on went the tortoise, and when the hare looked up at last, it was too late.

There sat the tortoise by the sign that said: The End.

hare 野兔 tortoise 龜，烏龜 beat 打敗 race 比賽

兔子和烏龜

一天，兔子正在向其他動物炫耀他能跑得很快。“我能跑過任何人。”他喊道。 “你們有誰想和我比一比嗎？” “我。”烏龜說。 “你！”兔子笑道，“哦，哦，太滑稽了！” “留著到比賽結(jié)束后笑吧�！睘觚斦f。

他們劃了條起跑線，出發(fā)了。兔子跑得飛快，很快就跑到了前面，所以他坐下來休息。等到烏龜趕上來時，他睡著了。

烏龜一直往前走，當(dāng)兔子最后醒來時，已經(jīng)太晚了。 烏龜坐在一塊牌子旁，上面寫著： 終點。

十二

The Eagle and the Raven

An eagle was trying to break open a nut in his beak when a raven landed on a branch beside him. The raven eyed the nut hopefully, "You'll never break it like that,"he said. "If I were you I would fly up in the sky as high as I

could, then drop the nut onto the rocks. It's the only way you'll get at the kernel."

The eagle flew up into the sky, then let the nut fall down, down, down to the

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