Parents are the_ͣӣУ
l(f)rg:2020-03-26 Դ: ժ c
Uncle Huang, with his warm youthful smile, opened the hotel door gleefully, standing in his bare feet. His wife was in the bathroom finishing up a shower.
You might wonder what they were doing five minutes earlier.
I did, especially because it was my hotel room. Mine and my girlfriends actually-even worse, I thought, eyeing the real or imagined ruffles on our bed.
This is normal for China, my girlfriend explains.
Well, before your mind wanders too far, its not normal to happen upon near-strangers nearly naked upon returning to your five-star hotel room. But if its your girlfriends family bathing that were talking about, thats a different story.
Bathing in China, as anywhere else, is a matter of cleanliness. But its apparently not always enjoyable. Without heat in so many apartments, especially in Wanzhou, where I had traveled to meet my girlfriends Sichuan family for the first time, it can be an unpleasant affair. That is, unless your successful daughter freshly back from the United States (my girlfriend) is in town.
Then, bathing, like a holiday dinner, changes from a necessity to a ritualistic festivity. I was going to have to be tough and suck it up as my own American mom is fond of saying.
So thats what I did, tucked awayDnot literally at this pointDin a bedside corner with a copy of Asia and Away magazine, concentrating on the Away half.
Whatever the opposite of the word exodus is, I felt like that was happening in my hotel room. Over the course of a few days, my girlfriends stepfather (we called him Uncle Huang), mother (Huangs wife), grandmother, sister, niece and surely others I still dont know about would bathe in my bathroom.
What is it with us Westerners and privacy? Its one of our most cherished relationships, even to the extent that I rarely call my own grandmother, let alone allow her near my bathing quarters.
In America, a constitutional right to privacy is debatable, so that cant be the answer. I grew up in a townhouse and wasnt able to blast my stereo system, so I never had an inherent sense of privacy. I didnt even have a door on my own room.
Still, I have come to expect a certain distance when it comes to relatives, something that is clearly not in the Sichuanese vernacular. Morning calls from mom could begin as early as six, my girlfriend warns. Family lunches and dinners are like lengthy acts in a play without intermission. Even if theres a TV in the dining room, no one pays attention to it. Meanwhile, I grew up on TV dinners and mom begging me to come to the dinner table.
As uncomfortable as I was, though, I felt warm. Maybe it was the beer that I was forced at glasspoint to down like a shot. Maybe it was a cold coming on because of dirty cousin so-and-so retrieving food for me with his used chopsticks. Maybe it was the favorite family dish, pig earDmake that pig tailDthat didnt go through me right.
Then again, maybe it was just touching. Grandmom didnt bathe herself. My girlfriend and her mother helped. Thats three family generations in close contactDcertainly closer than I can appreciateDbut a clear sign of unity for sure. And family that gathered for meals wasnt just blood relatives. They were Uncle Huangs children by another marriage, the family doctor, the maids and well, me. As we gathered around the table, we all were family for a couple of hours, and maybe for good.
As I made my way through Yujia, where my girlfriends father and grandfather were buried a couple of hours by car from Wanzhou, I suddenly felt privileged to be a part of a ritualistic burning of imitation money to bring them good fortune in the next life. It seemed like a traditional Chinese thing to do wholly different from my own culture. But I noticed my girlfriend seemed, at least to me, to take it less seriously. She bantered with me as her sister and brother-in-law did the burning.
What she valued most was her living family, offering them a warm place to clean themselves for at least one day out of 365. And she made plenty of time to regale them with tales from America over hours-long lunches and dinners.
I never visit my ancestors graves. They have stone markers, unlike my girlfriends father, but I dont even know where they are. Even less impressively, I havent been to Texas, where my extended family lives, in many years.
Its funny that meeting your girlfriends crazy Sichuan parents and extended family will help you realize about your life and who you are. Everyone would be lucky to have them, wet or dry.
They helped me. I finally called my own grandmom today, and Im at least seriously considering booking a ticket to fly out and visit her. Ill of course again have my own hotel room.
No, what youre thinking is definitely not happening.
Uncle Dallas and the cousins arent getting one either.
P(gun)~Meet Sichuan Parents ͣ塡ӣУ trick or treat meet the deadline
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