有趣的英語(yǔ)小短文
發(fā)布時(shí)間:2017-01-29 來(lái)源: 短文摘抄 點(diǎn)擊： 
有趣的英語(yǔ)小短文篇一：英語(yǔ)幽默小短文
英語(yǔ)幽默小短文
Wake up! Wake up! It's time for sleeping pills!
醒來(lái)！醒來(lái)！現(xiàn)在該吃安眠藥了！
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽海﹐ne inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?" "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
Half or Five Tenths?
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths? Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
When Do People Talk Least?
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
The plural Form of "Child"
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
All Except the Music
A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she
"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
My Sister's Fingers
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home. Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
Lightning
Teacher: Why is it said that lightning never strikes the same place twice? Roy: Because after it's struck once the same place isn't there any more!
Who Discovered Australia?
Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.
Johnny: It's there, sir.
Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
Sammy: Johnny, sir.
Essay
Teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."
How Many Rabbits?
Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?
Jonathan: Nine, sir.
Teacher: Nine?
Jonathan: I've got one already, sir.
To Go to Heaven
Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven?
Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.
教進(jìn)化論的老師已經(jīng)滔滔不絕地講了快兩個(gè)小時(shí)，他的話題又來(lái)了：“讓我向進(jìn)化論者提個(gè)問(wèn)題——如果我們?cè)?jīng)像狒狒那樣長(zhǎng)著尾巴，那么現(xiàn)在尾巴到哪里去了？”
“我來(lái)試試看，”一位老太太說(shuō)。
“該是我們?cè)谶@里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧�！�
瘋?cè)嗽?/p>
一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪�，一個(gè)病人說(shuō)："我是拿破侖！"另一個(gè)說(shuō)："你怎么知道？"第一個(gè)人說(shuō)："上帝對(duì)我說(shuō)的！"一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)聲音從另一個(gè)房間傳來(lái)："我沒(méi)說(shuō)！"
進(jìn)步
一位學(xué)生對(duì)另一位說(shuō)：“你的英語(yǔ)最近學(xué)的怎么樣？”
“很好，我過(guò)去不懂英國(guó)人說(shuō)話，可現(xiàn)在是英國(guó)人不懂我的話了�！�
半個(gè)還是十分之五
老師：你愿意要半個(gè)柑橘，還是十分之五個(gè)柑橘？
杰拉得：我寧可要半個(gè)。
老師：仔細(xì)想想，說(shuō)出理由來(lái)。
杰拉得：因?yàn)槟闳绻迅涕偾谐墒种�，那柑橘汁就損失太多了。
遲到的原因
老 師：約翰尼，為什么你每天早晨都遲到？
約翰尼：每當(dāng)我經(jīng)過(guò)學(xué)校附近的拐角處，就見(jiàn)路牌上寫(xiě)著‘學(xué)校－緩行’。
人們什么時(shí)候說(shuō)話最少？
學(xué)生甲：人們?cè)谑裁磿r(shí)候說(shuō)話最少？
學(xué)生乙：在二月。
學(xué)生甲：為什么呢？
學(xué)生乙：因?yàn)槎率且荒曛凶疃痰囊粋�(gè)月。
"孩子"的復(fù)數(shù)形式
老師：湯姆，‘男人’這個(gè)詞的復(fù)數(shù)形式是什么？
湯姆：男人們。
老師：答得好。那‘孩子’的復(fù)數(shù)形式呢？
湯姆：雙胞胎。
除了音樂(lè)
一位熱心的年輕教師想讓她的學(xué)生多了解一點(diǎn)優(yōu)秀的古典音樂(lè)，就安排了一天下午去聽(tīng)音樂(lè)會(huì)。為了使這次活動(dòng)能給大家留下更深的印象，她請(qǐng)大家喝檸檬汽水、吃點(diǎn)心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回來(lái)上汽車(chē)的時(shí)候，她問(wèn)小薩莉：“你今天玩得好嗎？”
“噢，好極了，小姐，” 薩莉說(shuō)，“除了音樂(lè)其它都很好�！�
我妹妹的手指頭
老師：凱溫，這次你怎么又遲到了？
凱溫：對(duì)不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個(gè)手指頭。
老師：怎么沒(méi)有扎繃帶呀？
凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶著釘子的。
新西蘭的氣候
老師：馬修，新西蘭的氣候怎么樣？
馬修：先生，那里的天氣很冷。
老師：錯(cuò)了。
馬修：可是，先生！從那兒運(yùn)來(lái)的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。
閃電
老師：為什么說(shuō)閃電從來(lái)不會(huì)兩次擊中同一個(gè)地方？
羅伊：因?yàn)樗鼡糁幸粋�(gè)地方一次以后，那個(gè)地方就不存在了。
誰(shuí)發(fā)現(xiàn)了澳大利亞？
老師：約翰尼，在地圖上給我找出澳大利亞在什么地方。
約翰尼：先生，在這兒。
老師：對(duì)了。薩默，你來(lái)回答我是誰(shuí)發(fā)現(xiàn)了澳大利亞？
薩默：先生，是約翰尼。
作文
老師給學(xué)生出了個(gè)作文題：“一場(chǎng)板球賽”。兩分鐘后，西蒙。斯蒂爾交了作文，老師允許他回家了。他在作文上寫(xiě)道：“下雨，比賽終止�！�
有趣的英語(yǔ)小短文篇二：10篇有趣的小短文竟然能讓你記住2000單詞
10篇有趣的小短文竟然能讓你記住2000單詞
1.Fall in Love with English Hiding behind the loose dusty curtain, a teenager packed up his overcoat into the suitcase. He planned to leave home at dusk though there was thunder and lightning outdoors. He had got to do this because he was tired of his parents’ nagging about his English study and did not want to go through it any longer. He couldn’t get along well with English and disliked joining in English classes because he thought his teacher ignored him on purpose. As a result, his score in each exam never added up to over 60.
His partner was concerned about him very much. She
understood exactly what he was suffering from, but entirely disagreed with his idea. In order to calm him down and settle his problem, she talked with him face to face and swapped a series of learning tips with him. The items she set down helped him find the highway to studying English well.
The teenager was grateful and got great power from his friend’s words. Now, he has recovered from being upset and has fallen in love with English.
愛(ài)上英語(yǔ)
有個(gè)少年躲在積滿灰塵的松散窗簾后把大衣裝入手提箱。盡管外面正打雷閃電， 他仍計(jì)劃在黃昏時(shí)分離家出走。他不得不這樣做是因?yàn)閰捑肓烁改笇?duì)他英語(yǔ)學(xué)習(xí)的嘮叨，不想再忍受下去了。他的英語(yǔ)學(xué)習(xí)總是無(wú)法取得進(jìn)展，而且不喜歡參加英語(yǔ)課的學(xué)習(xí)，因?yàn)樗詾槔蠋熡幸夂鲆曀�。結(jié)果，他每次考試的分?jǐn)?shù)合計(jì)從未超過(guò)60。
他的搭檔很關(guān)心他，也確切地理解他遭受的折磨，但卻完全不同意他的想法。為了使他冷靜下來(lái)好好解決問(wèn)題，她和他面對(duì)面地交談，并交換了一系列的學(xué)習(xí)心得技巧。她寫(xiě)下來(lái)的條款幫助他找到了學(xué)好英語(yǔ)的最佳捷徑。
這個(gè)少年非常很感激，并從朋友的話里獲得極大的動(dòng)力�，F(xiàn)在，他已經(jīng)從沮喪中恢復(fù)過(guò)來(lái)，真正愛(ài)上了英語(yǔ)。
2Different Countries Have Different Kinds of Englishes Voyages of people from England play an important part in
spreading the English language. At present, English is frequently spoken as an official or common language in many countries, such as America, Singapore, Malaysia and some African
countries. All based on British English, the English spoken in
these countries can be well understood by native English speakers. But actually, these Englishes have been gradually changing in accents, spellings, expressions and the usage of vocabulary.
Because of this fact, you can make use of the differences to tell which country the foreigners of your block are from. For example, if a boss fluently commands his driver, “Come up straight to my apartment by elevator and take some gas for my trucks and
cabs”, instead of requesting, “Please come to my flat by lift and take some petrol for my lorries and taxis”, you can recognize his American identity, while the latter suggests that he is British.
不同的國(guó)家有不同的英語(yǔ)
英國(guó)人的航海在英語(yǔ)的傳播中扮演了重要的角色。目前，英語(yǔ)在許多國(guó)家被作為官方語(yǔ)言或通用語(yǔ)言頻繁地使用，例如美國(guó)、新加波、馬來(lái)西亞和一些非洲的國(guó)家。這些國(guó)家的英語(yǔ)都以英式英語(yǔ)為基礎(chǔ)，能很好地為以英語(yǔ)為本族語(yǔ)的人所理解。但是實(shí)際上，這些英語(yǔ)在口音、拼寫(xiě)、表達(dá)和詞匯的使用方面都在逐漸變化。
因?yàn)檫@一情況的存在，你就可以利用這些英語(yǔ)之間的區(qū)別說(shuō)出你們街區(qū)的外國(guó)人是哪個(gè)國(guó)家來(lái)的了。例如，如果有個(gè)老板流利地命令他的司機(jī)：“Come up straight to my apartment by elevator and take some gas for my trucks and cabs（直接搭電梯到我公寓上來(lái)拿卡車(chē)和出租車(chē)的汽油）”，而不是要求說(shuō)，“Please come to my flat by lift and take some petrol for my lorries and taxis（請(qǐng)直接搭電梯到我公寓上來(lái)拿卡車(chē)和出租車(chē)的汽油）”，你就可以輕易地辨認(rèn)出他的美國(guó)人身份，而后者卻暗示著那是一位英國(guó)人。（請(qǐng)注意：聽(tīng)力錄音里第二段兩個(gè)“電梯”的單詞跟原文不一致，原文是對(duì)的，錄音弄錯(cuò)了，elevator才是美式說(shuō)法而lift是英式說(shuō)法。)
3A Hard Trip
My sister was fond of traveling. Ever since graduating, she had been determined to organize a trip to an old temple. Since
transporting fare was expensive, she decided to use a bicycle to cycle there not caring about the disadvantages. Her stubborn attitude was always her shortcoming. Once she made up her mind to do something, no one could persuade her to change her mind. Finally, we gave in as usual though we preferred to take a train. After we prepared everything, including the schedule, reliable weather forecast and the insurance, we began our trip.
Our journey was along a river flowing from a high altitude. Our pace was slow because the river frequently had many sharp bends through deep valleys, where the water seemed to boil. Just as I recorded in my journal, it was really a hard journey. But we also enjoyed great views. One night, I put my head on my pillow--a parcel of wool coats, and lay beneath the stars. When the flame in front of our cave went out at midnight, I found the sky so beautiful!
一次辛苦的旅行
我的妹妹很喜歡旅行。自從畢業(yè)以來(lái)，她就下定決心要組織一次往一座古廟的旅行。因?yàn)榻煌ㄙM(fèi)用昂貴，她決定騎自行車(chē)去，毫不擔(dān)心其中的不利情況。頑固的態(tài)度一直都是她的缺點(diǎn)，一旦她下定決心要做的事，就沒(méi)有人能說(shuō)服她改變主意。最后，我們像往常一樣讓步，盡管我們更喜歡乘火車(chē)去。我們準(zhǔn)備好了所有東西，包括時(shí)間表、可靠的天氣預(yù)報(bào)，還有保險(xiǎn)，就開(kāi)始了旅程。
我們的旅程沿著一條從高海拔處流下來(lái)的河流前行。但我們的步伐很慢，因?yàn)楫?dāng)流經(jīng)深深的峽谷時(shí)，這條河流急轉(zhuǎn)彎很多，急湍的河水都似乎沸騰起來(lái)。正如我在旅行日志里記錄的那樣，這真是一次艱苦的旅行。但是我們也欣賞到了美麗的景色。一天晚上，我把頭枕在一包羊毛衣服
有趣的英語(yǔ)小短文篇三：幽默英語(yǔ)演講小短文(2分鐘的)[1]1
幽默英語(yǔ)演講小短文(2分鐘的)
As food is to the body, so is learning to the mind. Our bodies grow and muscles develop with the intake of adequate nutritious food. Likewise, we should keep learning day by day to maintain our keen mental power and expand our intellectual capacity. Constant learning supplies us with inexhaustible fuel for driving us to sharpen our power of reasoning, analysis, and judgment. Learning incessantly is the surest way to keep pace with the times in the information age, and an infallible warrant of success in times of uncertainty.
Once learning stops, vegetation sets in. It is a common fallacy to regard school as the only workshop for the acquisition of knowledge. On the contrary, learning should be a never-ending process, from the cradle to the grave. With the world ever changing so fast, the cease from learning for just a few days will make a person lag behind. What's worse, the animalistic instinct dormant deep in our subconsciousness will come to life, weakening our will to pursue our noble ideal, sapping our
determination to sweep away obstacles to our success and strangling our desire for the refinement of our character. Lack of learning will inevitably lead to the stagnation of the mind, or even worse, its fossilization, Therefore, to stay mentally young, we have to take learning as a lifelong career.
學(xué)習(xí)之于心靈，就像食物之于身體一樣。攝取了適量的營(yíng)養(yǎng)
食物，我們的身體得以生長(zhǎng)而肌肉得以發(fā)達(dá)。同樣地，我們應(yīng)該日復(fù)一日不斷地學(xué)習(xí)以保持我們敏銳的心智能力，并擴(kuò)充我們的智力容量。不斷的學(xué)習(xí)提供我們用不盡的燃料，來(lái)驅(qū)使我們磨利我們的推理、分析和判斷的能力。持續(xù)的學(xué)習(xí)是在信息時(shí)代中跟時(shí)代并駕齊驅(qū)的最穩(wěn)當(dāng)?shù)姆椒�，也是在變�?dòng)的世代中成功的可靠保證。
一旦學(xué)習(xí)停止，單調(diào)貧乏的生活就開(kāi)始了。視學(xué)校為汲取知識(shí)的唯一場(chǎng)所是種常見(jiàn)的謬誤。相反地，學(xué)習(xí)應(yīng)該是一種無(wú)終止的歷程，從生到死。由于世界一直快速地在變動(dòng)，只要學(xué)習(xí)停頓數(shù)日就將使人落后。更糟的是，蟄伏在我們潛意識(shí)深處的獸性本能就會(huì)復(fù)活，削弱我們追求高貴理想的意志，弱化我們掃除成功障礙的決心，而且扼殺我們凈化我們?nèi)烁竦挠�。缺少學(xué)習(xí)將不可避免地導(dǎo)致心靈的停滯，甚至更糟地，使其僵化。因此，為了保持心理年輕，我們必須將學(xué)習(xí)當(dāng)作一生的事業(yè)。
2．heavy schoolwork【課業(yè)繁重】
In my opinion, the schoolwork now being assigned to high school students is too heavy. While it is true that students need to study, they need other things as well if they are to grow into healthy and well-rounded adults. High should be allowed more time for play. Playing is not wasting time, as some think. It gives them physical exercise, and also exercise their imagination. Which tends to be stifled by too much study. Finally, the pressure put on high school students by excessive schoolwork can cause
serious stress, which is unhealthy physically and mentally. I do not advocate the elimination of schoolwork. I do think, however, that a
reduction of the current heavy load would be beneficial to students and to the society as a whole.
我認(rèn)為目前高中生的課業(yè)實(shí)在太重了，雖然說(shuō)學(xué)生的確應(yīng)當(dāng)念書(shū)，但是要想長(zhǎng)大成為健全的人，他門(mén)還需要一些其它的東西，所以應(yīng)該給高中生較多從事娛樂(lè)的時(shí)間。娛樂(lè)并不如某些人所想的，是在浪費(fèi)時(shí)間，它可以讓學(xué)生鍛煉身體，發(fā)揮被繁重課業(yè)扼殺的想象力。此外，繁重的課業(yè)加諸在高中生身上的壓力可能引起嚴(yán)重的情緒緊張，這對(duì)身心都有害。我并非主張廢除學(xué)校課業(yè)，但是我認(rèn)為減輕目前繁重的課業(yè)對(duì)于學(xué)生和整個(gè)社會(huì)都是有益的。
3．Time【時(shí)間】
Lost time is never found again. This is something which I learned very clearly last semester. I spent so much time fooling around that my grades began to suffer. I finally realized that something had to be done. It was time for a change.
Now I have a new plan for using my time wisely. I have set my alarm clock ahead half an hour. This will give me a head start on the day. I have also decided to keep a log of what I do and when I do it. Looking back on what I’ve done will give me some ideas on how to reorganize my time. 時(shí)光一去不復(fù)返，這是我上學(xué)期清楚學(xué)到的教訓(xùn)。我浪費(fèi)很
多時(shí)間四處游蕩，以致于我的成績(jī)開(kāi)始退步。最后我終于了解到我必須有所作為；該是痛改前非的時(shí)候了。
現(xiàn)在我有一個(gè)明智運(yùn)用時(shí)間的新方法。我已將鬧鐘早撥半小時(shí)，這將使我這一天的作息提前開(kāi)始。我也決定將我所做的一切及做這些事的時(shí)間記錄下來(lái)�；仡櫸宜龅氖虑闀�(huì)啟發(fā)我如何重新安排我的時(shí)間。
4．Work and Play【工作與娛樂(lè)】
Work and play do not contradict each other; in fact, they complement each other. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." A life burdened with work leads you nowhere, for you would get tired and bored with your daily routine work. On the other hand, proper
recreation will relieve the tension and discomfort of our monotonous life because it offers you various ways to let out your pent-up emotions. What I usually do to relax after school is jogging and seeing movies. Usually I don't spare time for exercise, but I value the physical education class at school. Jogging several rounds in the field certainly relieves the day's pressure. On weekends, I'll catch the morning movie for my visual enjoyment. I feel revived and energetic for another week's work-load. 工作與娛樂(lè)并不互相沖突，事實(shí)上，它們之間的關(guān)系還相輔相成。有句格言說(shuō)：「整日工作而沒(méi)有休閑娛樂(lè)，會(huì)令人變得沉悶乏味。」被工作重?fù)?dān)壓得喘不過(guò)氣來(lái)的生活，將使你一事無(wú)成，因?yàn)槟銓?duì)一成不變的例行公事感到厭煩。由另一方面
來(lái)說(shuō)，適度的娛樂(lè)活動(dòng)能提供各種管道，來(lái)渲泄你被壓抑的情緒，減輕單調(diào)生活中的緊張與不悅。
放學(xué)之后，我最常做的休閑活動(dòng)，便是慢跑與看電影。通常我并不特地?fù)艹鰰r(shí)間來(lái)做運(yùn)動(dòng)，但是我很重視學(xué)校的體育課。在操場(chǎng)上慢跑幾圈，無(wú)疑地可以減輕一天的壓力。在周末時(shí)，我都去看早場(chǎng)電影，享受視覺(jué)饗宴。如此一來(lái)，我將有如再生般的充沛活力，去面對(duì)下一星期的工作量。
5．My first Job【我的第一份工作】
My first job was at a cramming school. It was three years ago when I just graduated from junior high school and finished the entrance
examination. since I had nothing to do that summer, I decided to find a job, tasting the joy of independence.
I was responsible for answering the telephone and taking the message. I worked eight hours a day, six days a week. The work was not difficult nor heavy to me and I guess I did well. The most delighted thing was perhaps that I could spend the money I earned all by myself.
我的第一份工作是在一家補(bǔ)習(xí)班做事。那是三年前我剛從國(guó)中畢業(yè)，考完聯(lián)考時(shí)的事了。既然我那整個(gè)夏天都閑著沒(méi)事，倒不如找份差事，嘗嘗獨(dú)立賺錢(qián)的快樂(lè)。
我負(fù)責(zé)接聽(tīng)電話且紀(jì)錄留言的工作。我一天工作八小時(shí)，一星期工作六天。那份工作對(duì)我而言既不困難亦不沉重，所以我想我還滿稱職的。而最令人快樂(lè)的事大概莫過(guò)于花全部由自己
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